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We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind

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lost [Aug. 20th, 2007|11:32 am]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind
Josh...I'm sorry for not joining before now, and for joining when I don't think I'll be on LJ much longer. I just..
I didn't want anything to remind me of Lisa more than I already was. For some reason, I didn't even use this journal much to talk about her because this is the one she knew me through and the one through which I still have contact with everyone else from that time... so yeah.. Basically, lots of excuses for being stupid/babyish/selfish/etc.

I'm just so tired of people dying. I feel like I can't deal with this any more. I think about Lisa almost every day, occasionally for a large portion of the day.

Two people died last year, one committed suicide so far this year, and there are two more I'm not sure will make it through the year.
Every time someone dies it isn't just them; it brings up everyone else, especially Lees. I hang out in/moderate communities that have a lot of people that have serious problems. It is getting too hard, but that is where my friends are, people I can't leave. Every time someone dies, I don't just grieve for them... it's kamber, and lisa, and justin, and meghan (although she didn't commit suicide) all over again. Now there is one more to add to the list, and I can't deal with it.
David is the only one who is from my city and I can visit IRL. Part of me wants to, but I don't know why, and I don't know if I can deal with it. I'm scared of going and breaking down in public.

I just can't stop thinking about them. David died August 7th. Almost two weeks, and I've yet to cry. I sit with tears in my eyes and try to shut everything down, or berate myself for not being there. I feel so guilty, and so bad. Despite how long it's been, I still can't even articulate most of what I think or feel about Lisa. Just guilty and sad and a thousand other things I can't figure out.
David is more clear, although I've yet to decide if that is a good thing. It's my fault. I could have helped; I didn't, and he died.

This is just too hard. Everything is too hard. I'm torn between wanting someone to comfort me and wanting to completely distance myself from everyone so that no one can ever hurt me again.
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MOD POST [Aug. 18th, 2007|01:20 pm]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind

Hello, everyone.

This is just a post to let you know that there is another account listed as a maintainer, joshuaorrizonte. This is me. I'm no longer going to be using this journal; thus the change. I just wanted to make sure you all knew that I'm still around and didn't abandon this comm.

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Online support group [May. 10th, 2007|10:08 am]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind
For anyone who's interested (especially those who don't have support groups in their local area), there is a suicide grief support group online:

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Chalice of Remembrance [Mar. 12th, 2007|07:08 am]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind

I read about this in a daily meditations book called The Celtic Spirit. I thought to post about it here because I think it might be helpful.

The Chalice of Remembrance is usually done during a holiday, when grief seems to kick up a little bit more, but obviously can be done at any time. At a party or a gathering, get a photograph of your loved one and a cup or glass of some sort, and fill it with drink- the loved one's favorite drink, if possible. If not, anything will do, even water.

Each person at the gathering can take a sip of the drink, leaving enough for those who have not had a chance to drink yet, and speak a few words to the loved one. At the end of the gathering, there should be a little bit of the drink left. Leave it overnight with the photograph.

I tried this at Christmas, although I was really the only one who knew Lisa. It really helped me get through the holiday. I hope it's helpful to someone else, too.
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hey [Jan. 30th, 2007|03:04 pm]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind


...although i'm extremely good with words, i'm at a complete lack for them right now...

i'm 25/f/go to school in upstate NY...

...my ex girlfriend's best friend killed himself a few days ago....he was my age, actually. and just...yah. 
i can offer my support and say i'll go to the wake/funeral, but that of course is a very personal thing and i won't be offended if they don't want me to be there....

watching this...still being in the same house as my ex g/f, while all this goes on( friends coming over to drink/grieve); is quite the dichotomy. on the one hand, im her ex g/f and good friend, and on the other hand, i've been where D was...and it's so scary to see *exactly* how it would be if god forbid, anything happened to me. 

its jolting to say the least. this happened a few days, and i was the pillar of strength until last night. 

tom-> trying to get her brother to sing "Free Fallin'"

i just broke down, hard core. and i felt like i was invading their right to greive, by crying myself. ( they, as closer friends/family) but M's uncle said no ,and said just to let it all out. tom petty definitely helped with that...

love and empathy to all...

sorry im usually way more put together than this.

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Life in a fog... [Jan. 6th, 2007|09:28 pm]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind
[mood |exhaustedexhausted]

Today I thought of a friend I hadn't spoken to for years. I remembered her birthday was the 6th of December and I thought I'd ring her and say Happy Birthday.
Well, I did ring, only to have her tell me that the 6th Dec was a month ago!
I couldn't believe I'd gotten it wrong by a month. As soon as she said it I registered it was January but I swear I thought it was still December when I made the call.
My brother, Andrew, has been dead 7½ weeks and I find myself constantly making mistakes like this now.
I feel like I'm living in a London fog.
Half the time I don't realise people are talking to me or I don't see them when they walk past, etc.
I've forgotten birthdays, anniversaries, etc of family, friends - and their children - (and I used to be so good with dates) only to remember them days or weeks later, and I know one friend is angry with me because of this.

Has anyone else done this? Is this a normal part of grieving? Will I ever be normal (whatever that is) again
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... [Dec. 25th, 2006|10:58 pm]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind

[mood |discontentgrieving again]

I miss her.
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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2006|09:22 pm]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind

[mood |devastated]

I just came back to LJ yesterday- after I finally got internet in my home for the first time in 2 years.

My best friend, soul mate, and companion of 8 years died on Nov. 20th. His death is being investigated.....but I know what happened.

I feel very alone........I've never lived on my own.....3 years living with him......now in a new apartment we signed a lease for Nov. 4th.......now alone.........I sit and think about the pain he was in that day........I sit and think how much I loved him and everyone loved him and why he didn't know.......I don't know what to do.......
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Counting days [Nov. 29th, 2006|03:26 pm]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind
Today I'm thinking, "Two weeks ago my brother killed himself." Yesterday I was thinking, "Two weeks ago my brother was still alive."
I'm assuming this kind of date watching is normal. Everything seems to be pre- and post- my brother's death right now.
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Andrew [Nov. 17th, 2006|02:38 pm]
We Love You~A Community for Those Left Behind
My brother killed himself two days ago. I'm glad I've found this community.
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